So what is up with Luke

I so often refer to Luke's issues and I so often hear, "still?, you are still having issues he has been home three years!" The answer is yes..... yes we are still having a lot of issues and now we even have more.

Luke struggles with sensory processing which has lead to a lot of delays for him. Things like Speech and sentence structure, potty training, (ahhhhhhhhhhh holy nightmare!) fine and gross motor delay (so things like pulling up pants, riding a bike and putting on shoes and socks are hard if not impossible for him at this time.) and sensory processing also causes many, many meltdowns sometimes 20 a day over NOTHING or nothing that I can figure out anyway. He can't control his energy level or his emotions so that means lots of high energy and anger. Luke also has attachment issues and that is HARD, HARD stuff to deal with. Its has affected everyone in this house. I know, I know, he was just a baby when we brought him home..... that is what we thought. However orphanage life is devastating to the brain. There is more but too much for today.... lets just say that he now understands that he is different and had other parents but I will get to that later.

So what are we doing? Well we were doing special preschool with OT, speech and PT along with outside sensory work. Our latest attempt is psychotherapy and play therapy.  Our therapist had us pull Luke out of school and all other therapy for now. She has explained that sensory processing will get better with proper attachment?? Hmmm when I think about it I start to understand. He needs to go back to infancy and get all the nurture that he did not get, all the proper stimulation and touch. Until that happens how can his senses work out?? So we stopped fostering older kids as they provide a negative stimulation for him and he is back home with me on a day to day, hour to hour basis. AND ITS NOT EASY..... and its not always fun. As a matter of fact it super, super hard. But I love him and I am committed to my son so I will continue to do what it takes to get him to attach to me. If that means homeschool then I will do it and we think it will take that. So for now we play "school" we eat every two hours without fail sometimes more even in the car, we play attachment games, we co-sleep, we stay as calm as we can keeping our home dimly lit and clutter free. We do not let him see or play with very many toys at one time. We try to let him know what is going on before we do it and if we have to stop for gas and don't tell him he will let us know!!!!!!!!! We try to be on his level when speaking to him and look in his eyes. We rock and read as much as we can. We try not to yell and use time in and not time out or spankings....... most of these things I said I would never so as a parent! God uses these lessons to grow us. I have had to be the mom God wanted me to be for Luke and not the mom I planned to be. Once again it all points back to the one in control :o)

So now that I threw all that up I have to tell you that Luke is also so sweet and so fun and so loving he just can't control when it comes out :o) Oh and he is smart in super odd and amazing ways! He is also that most amazingly sweet and gentle foster brother ever. I can't figure out why because he is never gentle but with baby J he is amazing! Just look.

PS... Many adoptive families choose not to talk about all of the issues that their sweet
trauma kids have but if I can let even one mother know that she is not alone then I am happy to share!

Here I am....

Hello, its been soooo long!! Our sweet preemie is now 6 months old and doing well. It has been a long road but I think he is over the hump! Still super tiny and super sweet.  We are so in love with baby J and it looks like he just may stay. We go back to court in December and will know more then so I will keep you posted.

Our teens have  come and gone and there will be no more teens or kids older than Luke. Teens are way too hard on Luke, babies on the other hand seem to actually calm him and he LOVES them. Watching us care for the baby makes Luke want to be cared for..... so it has actually helped :O)

Then there is my sweet, loving, playful boy Luke. He is struggling.... so therefore I am struggling. I guess it will take years and years for the clam to set in. Laying in bed was a nightmare for his brain as was the starving and neglect. We just keep moving forward trying to find help and support. We just found a church that has 200 plus adoptive families and a support group for children from hard places :o) needless to say we will be attending there......

Here are some pic's from the last 6 months!

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Itty tiny foster baby

Hello!! On the 22nd of March I went down town St Louis to pick up our sweet tiny new foster baby. Little 10 week early baby boy or baby J as we call him weighed in at just over 3 lbs. He is the sweetest most adorable thing I have ever seen since our Luke came home. Caring for this little guy has only shown me just what our Luke never got as an infant and it can bring me to tears as I see reminders of it all the time. One week after he came I noticed a bulge in his groin and long story short we spent a week together in the hospital. He had a double hernia repair and that is and was a big set back for a preemie. He is now two months old and doing well his last weight was 5lb 10oz so I am excited to see what he gained this week.  This has been way too much fun!

Luke is in love with baby J and insist that he is from Ethiopia. We were reading a book the other night about adoption and when it got to the part that some babies come home from the hospital and some come on and air plane, I told Luke how he came on an air plane and J come from the hospital.  Luke said, "No baby J came on an airplane from Ethiopia and I am a super hero so I came home from Ethiopia in a rocket ship!" So there you have it.

Baby calls!!!! Oh I am so tired, teens, tots, and babies make life so eventful!

Where has the time gone?

Its been ages since I even looked at any blog! I will catch you up as best as I can.

LUKE..... My sweet Luke has had a tough start to the New Year. He lost both tubes in his ears in December. His teachers kept asking us what was wrong because his temper was out of control. We now have two new tubes and the loss of a set of tonsils and adenoids. We pray this will help. After the surgery he was in sensory overload and needed no pain medication at all and then in a few days his system went wild. He would scream "HOLD YOU" at the top of his lungs and then cry and push us away when we did. This has not happened well over a year??? Its seems that he was back in trauma mode. He is doing much better but now has a cold so when that is done maybe just maybe my sweet happy boy will return.

Up until December Luke was progressing well and getting good at self calming and touch. He is still receiving PT, OT and speech. As for now we just take each day as it comes and consider it a gift.

FOSTERING...... We finished our classes in fostering and our foster daughter came to us about one month ago. She is 14... yes, that is what I said! I was never going to take on a teen but we felt it would be the least amount of stimulation for Luke and it has been so. Our foster daughter has been wonderful to have around and I think I even like having a shopping buddy. Luke likes her and she likes him but they stick to their own stuff. I don't know how long she will stay but it looks like it might be a while.... in the meantime we meet with her parents and siblings each week and she also gets to visit her grandmother weekly as well. She has been through so much but she is trying so so so very hard to overcome the trauma.

Kids with Trauma.... This is my new passion. Just plain loving and understanding kids with a background of trauma, abuse or neglect. Wes and I have been taking classes at a local church that hat help us understand the brain of a child from the above background. It has been unbelievable amazing and it is changing our simple family! We are going to a conference in April in Chicago to strengthen our training. We have been studying the teaching of Dr. Karyn Purvis,  she is a Christian Psychologist at the University of Texas Christian Institute..

That is what I got for now.... Chat soon!!!!