So what is up with Luke

I so often refer to Luke's issues and I so often hear, "still?, you are still having issues he has been home three years!" The answer is yes..... yes we are still having a lot of issues and now we even have more.

Luke struggles with sensory processing which has lead to a lot of delays for him. Things like Speech and sentence structure, potty training, (ahhhhhhhhhhh holy nightmare!) fine and gross motor delay (so things like pulling up pants, riding a bike and putting on shoes and socks are hard if not impossible for him at this time.) and sensory processing also causes many, many meltdowns sometimes 20 a day over NOTHING or nothing that I can figure out anyway. He can't control his energy level or his emotions so that means lots of high energy and anger. Luke also has attachment issues and that is HARD, HARD stuff to deal with. Its has affected everyone in this house. I know, I know, he was just a baby when we brought him home..... that is what we thought. However orphanage life is devastating to the brain. There is more but too much for today.... lets just say that he now understands that he is different and had other parents but I will get to that later.

So what are we doing? Well we were doing special preschool with OT, speech and PT along with outside sensory work. Our latest attempt is psychotherapy and play therapy.  Our therapist had us pull Luke out of school and all other therapy for now. She has explained that sensory processing will get better with proper attachment?? Hmmm when I think about it I start to understand. He needs to go back to infancy and get all the nurture that he did not get, all the proper stimulation and touch. Until that happens how can his senses work out?? So we stopped fostering older kids as they provide a negative stimulation for him and he is back home with me on a day to day, hour to hour basis. AND ITS NOT EASY..... and its not always fun. As a matter of fact it super, super hard. But I love him and I am committed to my son so I will continue to do what it takes to get him to attach to me. If that means homeschool then I will do it and we think it will take that. So for now we play "school" we eat every two hours without fail sometimes more even in the car, we play attachment games, we co-sleep, we stay as calm as we can keeping our home dimly lit and clutter free. We do not let him see or play with very many toys at one time. We try to let him know what is going on before we do it and if we have to stop for gas and don't tell him he will let us know!!!!!!!!! We try to be on his level when speaking to him and look in his eyes. We rock and read as much as we can. We try not to yell and use time in and not time out or spankings....... most of these things I said I would never so as a parent! God uses these lessons to grow us. I have had to be the mom God wanted me to be for Luke and not the mom I planned to be. Once again it all points back to the one in control :o)

So now that I threw all that up I have to tell you that Luke is also so sweet and so fun and so loving he just can't control when it comes out :o) Oh and he is smart in super odd and amazing ways! He is also that most amazingly sweet and gentle foster brother ever. I can't figure out why because he is never gentle but with baby J he is amazing! Just look.

PS... Many adoptive families choose not to talk about all of the issues that their sweet
trauma kids have but if I can let even one mother know that she is not alone then I am happy to share!